Have you ever found yourself conflicted? A part of you wants to do one thing, but another part of you would like to do something entirely different? Say hello to the workings of your inner self.
Take this for example: You’re offered a new job that is significantly more in line with your hopes and dreams than your current job, but offers a little less financial security. You have nothing against your current job, but it simply isn’t where you saw yourself at this point in life. One part of you considers this a no-brainer (“Take the job!!! Make your dreams come true!!”). The other worried and extensively logical part of you screams, “No! Stay where it is safe and secure.” This dialogue is the inner self at conflict.
What is the Inner Self System?
The inner self is the hub of consciousness and the source of who we truly are. It operates as the leader of our mind and is ultimately the part of ourselves that we should be most in touch with.
Due to something called multiplicity of the mind, though, the inner self doesn’t always have its say. The mind consists of a number of sub-personalities or “parts” that strive to speak up loudest. This is not a bad thing, by any means, but this awareness makes sense of the inner conflicts you experience on a daily basis. (i.e. A part of you wants to stay with your significant other, while the other part yearns for some time to discover yourself independently again; or a part of you pats yourself on the back when you do well but another part continues to be hypercritical, badgering you on how you could have done better.)
As we develop and, well, live, our parts establish interactions among themselves, much like a family does. As we all know from our own family functions, this can result in screaming matches over politics one minute, high fives about the football game the next, and laughs across the supper table the very next. This variety of interactions can create inner conflict within a family, and it is no different for the push-and-pull we often experience in our own minds.
What Can I Achieve by Paying Attention to my Inner Self?
Working with your inner self only works in your favor. It can provide consistent feelings of:
- Calm
- Connectedness
- Courage
- Curiosity
- Confidence
It results in feeling more balanced and aware of how your brain interacts with the world around you, making it easier for your Inner Self to guide the parts on how to more healthily interact right alongside you. The parts often add burden and anxiety to the day-to-day, but by being in touch with your Inner Self, you learn how to relieve them of that burden and operate how you want them to.
4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Start the Process
Getting to know your Inner Self and your individual parts is a process. It takes patience and discernment, especially as you work to “rally the troops,” so to speak, and have every part of your mind operating in favor of your Inner Self. Here are some questions you can reflect on as you begin your journey:
- Is there a part of me that I’d like to get to know better? For example, do I find it perplexing time and time again why the angry part of me comes up whenever someone asks me to do something, even though I could have sworn I love helping people?
- What part is present right this very moment? When I’m nose to the grindstone for a project at work, which part is present? When I’m mindlessly washing the dishes at day’s end, which part is here? When I’m having supper with my family at dinner, which part has arrived?
- How does my body experience the presence of a specific part? For example, when my anxious, controlling self comes out, do my shoulders immediately tense? Could being more aware of my shoulders help me notice when my anxious self is en route and subsequently help me keep it at bay?
- How do I feel about dealing with this part? When my scared part rises to the surface, do I recoil in facing it head on? Does it make me nervous to learn more about this part of myself?
As you get to know your inner self, be patient with yourself. Know that it’s okay to need help on this journey of self-discovery, and please reach out if I can help you. As a therapist who specializes in this very Internal Family Systems Model, I am confident that we can work together to help your Inner Self and various parts become one big happy family. Less screaming matches and more high fives!
