Allow me to introduce you to your sub-personalities, the parts of you that all compete for your attention and strive to be the ringleader.

Envision a scenario with me: You’re in a steady relationship with your significant other. You love each other deeply, and you’re certain that you’d like to spend the rest of your lives with each other. But every once in awhile, when you’re laying in bed at night or on your early morning jog, a nagging string of thoughts enters your mind: “What if I haven’t experienced enough of the world to settle down yet? What if I’m not mature enough to meld my best interest to someone else’s? What if there is someone else out there for me?”

Next thing you know, you’re shouting internal profanities at these nagging thoughts— “How dare you! I love him/her!” 

Things I Should Know About My Sub-Personalities

It can be a person’s natural inclination to resent certain sub-personalities. For example, how dare that doubtful part of you make you question your security in your relationship? Or why does the anxious part of you have to be so prevalent as of late? 

But your sub-personalities often go misunderstood. Here are some important things to know about them:

  1. Each and every one of your parts is functioning in your favor, even the anxious one. They are all seeking to protect you (your Inner Self); they simply might not do so in the healthiest of ways. 
  2. Each part has different strategies to make you pay attention. Your doubting part might try to convince you that you should be different than the way you are, while your worrisome part might manifest itself through addictive traits. 
  3. They interact similarly to a family. Some like each other, some don’t. 
  4. Your parts can fall under one of three categories:
    1. Managers: The proactive parts of you that try to keep a vulnerable part from being activated and detrimental to your growth. 
    2. Firefighters: The reactive parts of you that are trying to turn a triggered vulnerable’s attention away (“Hey, look over here instead!”)
    3. Exiles: The young parts of you that hold extreme beliefs and convince you that you are worthless. They are called exiles because they become isolated from the rest of the system working to your benefit. 

3 Helpful Strategies for Understanding these Parts of You

  1. Start a journal. Divide a single page of a journal into two, each one representative of one of your sub-personalities. On the left hand side, begin the dialogue of one of the parts, while on the right, jot down the dialogue of the conflicting one. Consider the writing of this conversation as conflict management between two roommates. It needs to be done to encourage healthy interaction within yourself. 
  2. Concretise your parts. When doing work on yourself, it can be easy to get overwhelmed and hard on yourself. Detach minimally from this sensation and put an object to your part. For example, if you would like the confident part of you to be more prevalent in your workday, choose an item (a rock, a pair of headphones, a distinctive pen, etc.) to represent that confident part of you and put it on your desk in your line of sight. 
  3. Start meditating. When you meditate, you set aside time to mindfully acknowledge the thoughts and feelings that you generally cast aside on a daily basis. Focus on bringing attention to the parts and the concerns they voice while you sit in silence. 

As mentioned previously, all of your sub-personalities, or inner parts, only want what’s best for you, but they don’t always do so with the healthiest means. Reach out today for help learning more about your inner parts.