The theory of secure attachment, developed in the early 1900s by John Bowlby, has become a foundational assessment of how we interact in our relationships and understand the world around us. Our specific attachment style dates all the way back to our first days out of the womb. Even at such a young age with a brain having minimal development, we were pre-conditioned to look to our attachment figures— i.e. our mothers, fathers, primary caregivers— for [...]
It just takes one. One person might break your trust, and next thing you know, you no longer trust yourself either. Instead of developing mistrust for that one individual in that one situation, you might instead become skeptical of everyone who crosses your path… And you cross your own path quite frequently, don’t you? Although you might have ultimately developed this self-doubt as a way to protect yourself from getting hurt again, this projection of mistrust [...]
The last couple of weeks, we have discussed the inner self at length. It can come as quite the surprise that you, at you very core, are broken up into different parts, each one competing for your attention and often standing in the way of your Inner Self. Your Inner Self is your most calm and restorative being, but if a part of you (i.e. the anxious part, the annoyed part, the depressed part) stands in [...]
Allow me to introduce you to your sub-personalities, the parts of you that all compete for your attention and strive to be the ringleader. Envision a scenario with me: You’re in a steady relationship with your significant other. You love each other deeply, and you’re certain that you’d like to spend the rest of your lives with each other. But every once in awhile, when you’re laying in bed at night or on your early morning [...]
Have you ever found yourself conflicted? A part of you wants to do one thing, but another part of you would like to do something entirely different? Say hello to the workings of your inner self. Take this for example: You’re offered a new job that is significantly more in line with your hopes and dreams than your current job, but offers a little less financial security. You have nothing against your current job, but it [...]
When a person hears the term “abandonment,” they typically think of someone physically leaving their side— a child separated from their mother in the grocery store or a significant other deciding to call it quits, for example. But abandonment actually takes hold in a much more prevalent way.Emotional abandonment can be one of the driving forces in a relationship, even as the person is sitting right next to you. Fear of abandonment is an innate, primal [...]
Assertiveness often gets a bad rap. People tend to equate it with pushiness or arrogance. Truth be told, there can be a fine line between being assertive and being aggressive. But make no mistake, assertiveness is not an intrinsically negative quality. When you are assertive, you are respectfully expressing your personal power. You’re not being selfish but you’re also not being passive. This is possible because it is possible to be forthcoming about your needs. At [...]
It’s usually the case that no one can push your buttons like a family member. That may go double for parents. Even the most well-intentioned mother or father can overstep boundaries on a regular basis. However, when your parents are toxic, the dynamic shifts even more dramatically. In turn, the impact they can have on your mood — and your life — feel greater. This makes it all the more necessary to cultivate ways to set [...]
Trauma and People Pleasing Every one of us undergoes stressful experiences. It’s normal and inevitable. When that stressful event brings you to a place of helplessness, utter horror, injury, or the threat of injury, it moves into the category of “trauma.” Human beings, in general, respond to traumatic events in four basic ways: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn/people-pleasing. The first three are easily understood simply by their name. But fawn? This survival skill is highlighted [...]
How to Stop Over-Apologizing Accept Imperfection Everyone — every single one of us — makes mistakes. Embracing our inherent imperfection can help take the sting out of real or perceived gaffes. You will be less likely to see yourself a “mistake-prone.” Take Responsibility Only For Your Part Plenty of folks will happily deflect blame and dump it on someone else. Think about the profound manipulation of: “Look what you made me do.” Practice identifying your [...]
