The Price of Not Prioritizing Yourself
You may find yourself reading this if it feels like there is no room for yourself in your own life. If you are like most of us, you have been taught that it is negative, and dare I say, selfish to prioritize yourself. You might possess the mentality that putting your desires and needs above others, or even at the same level as others, is egocentric.
The truth is, you know this feeling well or you would not be reading this, right?
There is a cost to never prioritizing yourself, though. Excessive self-sacrifice can get in the way of reaching your goals and living the life that truly makes you happy. Over time, too much self-sacrifice diminishes internal balance and forfeits your sense of well-being and inner peace. In fact, excessive self-sacrifice actually wreaks havoc on your relationships by flooding you with resentment as you consequently never truly feel appreciated. You might begin to blame others for the feeling that you will never be able to rest or enjoy ourselves, thinking that they are responsible for your incessant guilt trips. According to Dr. Aziz Gazipura, Author of NOT NICE,[1] when we give everything and feel like we don’t have a choice about it, we begin to harbor resentment towards others. The scales feel unbalanced, and it’s easiest to point fingers anywhere but at yourself. The reason why we often don’t feel as if we have a choice to say no, according to Gazipura, is because of the internal pressures we feel to not disappoint others.
As you endlessly people-please, putting everyone else’s needs above your own, your confidence starts to decline. When you are maxed out, your ability to perform at your best becomes virtually impossible. You may actually find you are more vulnerable to stress, irritability, exhaustion, and anger.
Picture This:
Imagine a life where you don’t feel the need to control others perceptions of you to feel secure? What if it actually felt good to prioritize yourself when necessary while still supporting others when possible? What if you didn’t feel overtly responsible for everyone else’s feelings, and instead paid more attention to your own. What if you didn’t experience guilt when you were doing something for yourself for a change? What if you let guilt fall to the wayside, instead leaving more room to become a wellspring of love for others because your own well is full? Would you do it?
These are the necessary steps to being able to accomplish your goals and promote happiness in your life. It requires a willingness to move through fear of judgment and to stop letting guilt make your decisions for you.
The only person in the world responsible for meeting your needs is YOU. In order to reach the point of wellbeing you are seeking, you are required to explore what you need and take goal-directed steps to get there each and every day. You must stop assuming tour needs are foolish and burdensome to others. When you don’t stand up for your immediate needs, you run the risk of trying to obtain fulfillment and happiness through false means such as shopping, eating, and a whole host of numbing behaviors– ones that feel good now but will make you pay later. You run the risk of hurting not just yourself but also your relationships.
Look at the bigger picture. Return to that scenario illustrated above. In what ways will prioritizing your needs equally, and at times, more so than others’, work out to impact the greater good for yourself and your relationships? Can holding space for yourself actually improve the way you live, love, and lead?
References
1. Gazipura, A. (2017). Not Nice (First). Portland, OR: B.C. Allen Publishing & Tonic Books.
