Do you have a knack for neglecting to honor your feelings? Do you find yourself feeling shame for your emotions, wishing you wouldn’t feel anything at all? Do you notice that you suppress your feelings in an effort not to make others uncomfortable, only to have those emotions rise to the surface in an overwhelming way later?
This is categorized as self-abandonment, which is a learned behavior that begins in childhood. When physical and emotional needs aren’t met in childhood, children learn to hide their true selves for fear of being judged by their caregivers. This behavior carries well into adulthood and is most recognized by the tendency to suppress feelings.
Regardless of what might have happened in your past, it’s important to recognize that feelings aren’t as frightening as we often make them out to be. In fact, feelings are how our authentic self communicates with us in order to pursue a happier, more fulfilling life. They are a gauge for what is important to us and how we hope to achieve our true intentions, and there are a number of ways to honor them.
Make time for honoring your feelings.
If you’re accustomed to hiding or avoiding your feelings, this might take practice, but it is crucial to acknowledge your feelings for what they are. You might practice this by putting on a timer (start with ten minutes at a time and gradually increase it as you feel comfortable) and journaling exactly what you’re feeling at that moment in time. Take care not to judge yourself for anything that comes to the surface; just focus on putting pen to paper and getting it all out.
Let go of self-judgment.
Our upbringing and culture often predisposes us to “just get over it,” so we learn to disconnect from our feelings by judging them. Instead, try feeling it and being with it exactly as it asks of you. Speak them into existence and recognize that your feelings are an inherent part of you that are worthy and true.
Realize that people aren’t judging you as much as you think they are.
We often think that we are constantly under scrutiny by our peers, and if we have people-pleasing tendencies, we will likely hide our feelings to avoid making others uncomfortable. When you free yourself from the limiting belief that you are always under a microscope, you can more freely honor your feelings. More importantly, recognize that you can’t stop people’s judgment of you, no matter how you try. Humans are innately judgmental and discerning, and that cannot be rewired based on anything you do or don’t do. The only opinion that matters is your own of yourself.
Treat yourself with compassion.
Think of how you would treat a friend who is suffering. You would meet them with care and comfort, wouldn’t you? You’d invite them to open up, and you’d listen free of judgment, right? So why do you minimize your own struggles and fail to be kind to yourself when you’re suffering?
Most of us weren’t taught how important self-compassion truly is, but it’s never too late to practice it. First and foremost, notice when you are struggling. What are your feelings and body sensations? How are these feelings manifesting themselves right in this very moment? Next, recognize that literally everybody struggles at one time or other; you are not an anomaly. This will allow you to feel more connected to others and less alone in your emotions. Finally, trust yourself to experience the emotions without letting them define you. Give them space to exist but not overwhelm.
Get support when you need it while learning the art of honoring your feelings.
Honoring feelings can be likened to a skill that needs practice. Some of us are better at it than others, and sometimes all we need is a little support. Surround yourself with people who you can be yourself around or reach out for help with a therapist. You don’t have to be alone in your feelings.
Honoring your feelings is a gift. When we reframe our perspective to recognize that feeling our feelings makes us stronger and enables us to pursue our authentic selves, we pass less judgment on ourselves.
