We don’t start believing we are incapable until this belief is conditioned via an invalidating environment. Children internalize messages about themselves. If these messages are invalidating — for example, they are not capable of meeting their own needs — it can shape perspective and behavior into adulthood. Directly or indirectly, our parents and caregivers teach us about our worth and our capabilities. If those lessons are not validating, you may be left searching for affirmation anywhere you can. This is where the cruciality of self-validation comes in.
Why is Self-Validation Important?
Each of us has a unique internal experience — made up of our thoughts and feelings. Others cannot fully grasp this distinct perspective but they can respect and validate it. It’s nice when they agree with it and approve of you. It’s most important, however, when they affirm your particular worldview.
External validation can be fleeting and fickle. Consider the paradigm of social media. We crave the approval of likes and shares. Meanwhile, we know how transient this alleged validation is, by design. Self-validation, therefore, is the secure path toward understanding and managing your thoughts and emotions. It guides you to acceptance as you strengthen your exclusive identity and learn to own it.
6 Ways to Validate Your Own Needs, Experiences, and Feelings
1. Start a Gratitude Journal
It helps to take time to recognize and acknowledge the positive aspects of your life. In particular, emphasize your accomplishments, choices you’ve made, or anything else that displays progress. The act of writing down and listing such events is a proven method for internalizing values that are more self-loving.
2. Practice Mindfulness
Invalidation thrives in a) the guilt of the past and b) the anxiety of the future. Self-validation in the present moment, thanks to mindfulness, allows for a sense of clarity. The present is where we can feel less at the mercy of outside influence. Look into trying some method meditation as a good start for refining your mindfulness skills.
3. Challenge Your Inner Monologue
We all talk to ourselves — usually all day long. It doesn’t have to be potentially audible to others. Our internal monologue influences our self-image in a big way. You have the power to talk back to any negative voices. You also have the power to provide the type of support you need.
4. Tell Yourself What You Want to Hear From Others
Following up neatly on #3, this may be the antidote. Perhaps there’s something you wish others (or lots of others) would say to you. Make the self-validating choice to say these things to yourself. Talk to yourself like the nurturing parent you perhaps didn’t have. Actively cultivate a validating environment for yourself.
5. Try Radical Acceptance
This concept is designed to help you acknowledge reality. You don’t have to accept anything you don’t want to accept. But it is incredibly useful to recognize what is and isn’t within your control. From this space, you are much better able to assess your identity, your thoughts, your emotions, and your behaviors. Radical acceptance is a skill best learned via therapy.
Honing Your Self-Validation Skills
Obviously, self-validation is typically something you do for yourself. But it is not that simple or black-and-white. Your invalidating childhood shaped you. But by the same token, your journey to self-validation can be more positively shaped by an outside source. In this case, it would be a therapist.
Regular counseling can help you create your own road map to the type of awareness described above. In the age of social media and smartphones, we could all use some assistance in the realm of validation. Like any skill, it’s a lot easier when you have some help. Please reach out for a consultation today.
