It’s a dynamic we all recognize. Yet somehow, the lessons we learn about compassion, particularly self-compassion, don’t always stick.
Think back to the last time someone you love came to you with a problem. It might a friend, partner, family member — anyone with whom you share respect, trust, and love. This person tells you about a mess they’ve gotten into or some emotional pain they are experiencing. They could really use a compassionate ear. You most certainly respond with love and understanding. Even if they know they’re partially responsible, you would not tell your loved one that they were pathetic, stupid, selfish, etc.
So why do we tend to criticize and chastise ourselves so harshly?
What’s Self-Compassion Got to Do With It?
When confronted with another’s pain, you probably listened, commiserated, and validated your loved one’s (real or perceived) pain. But do you realize that you deserve that same kind of treatment for yourself when you make mistakes, behave badly or choose poorly?
Self-compassion is a term that describes the decision to treat yourself respectfully and with an open mind. The way you’d treat your best friend or loved one. It is rooted in three core elements:
- Aiming your kindness inward
- Recognizing that fallibility, remorse, and regret are human
- Mindful acceptance
The first two elements are generally expected parts of self-compassion. But the practice of mindfulness may surprise you.
Mindfulness and Self-Compassion
It is helpful to consider the practices of mindfulness and self-compassion as synchronistic. When practicing mindfulness, your focus is the experience. With self-compassion, it is the experiencer who gets priority. What better blend can you imagine? Mindfulness centers us within whatever is happening in the present moment. Self-compassion reminds us to practice kindness throughout the process. The present moment just may be tough and in that moment, you need all the compassion you can offer yourself.
Rather than dwelling on past guilt and/or ruminating over future anxiety, we occupy this place and time. And in that place and time, we give ourselves what we need in order to fully experience it. The joyful moments are enriched. The challenging moments are endured with patience and self-support.
Some of the Benefits of Self-Compassion
Healthier Choices
Being compassionate to oneself includes making healthy choices for our mind and body. From eating habits to sleep routines to strung active and beyond — you take responsibility for your own health.
Inner Strength
Studies show that people who practice self-compassion are best equipped to cope with life’s inevitable rough patches. Self-compassion fuels resilience.
Humility
When you are kind to yourself, research shows it carries over in many ways. For example, you’re more likely to admit mistakes and offer authentic apologies.
Self-Confidence
Self-compassion does not mean we do not identify where we could improve. On the contrary, it inspires us to raise our own standards and thrive.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
Gratitude
Take time each day— many times a day, if possible — to feel and express appreciation for the big and small things in your life. Journaling, vlogging, and sharing with someone you trust are good ways to practice gratitude.
Forgiveness
Just as you’d forgive a loved one for an honest transgression, extend that same kindness to yourself. Everyone slips up from time to time. Giving yourself permission to be human and fallible is an important part of compassion.
Curiosity
Embrace the opportunity to acknowledge and challenge negative beliefs you’ve internalized about yourself. Allow yourself to wonder how amazing life will be as you re-imagine it!
Patience
Pace yourself. Don’t make unrealistic demands of yourself. Recognize when it’s okay to take a break. Give yourself the same loving advice you always gave to those who matter most to you.
Sometimes, self-compassion has been suppressed for so long that it’s tough to rediscover. You may, in such instances, seek out guidance in the form of empowerment counseling. I am here for support and guidance. For tools and life skills that will help you treat yourself kindly please reach out soon for a consultation.
