Everyone gets angry. It’s a normal and inevitable emotion. It can be uncomfortable but it can drive us toward important growth. Not everyone is made to feel comfortable when they express anger, however. Women are conditioned to stay calm — even under extreme duress.
Anger is not ladylike. It’s not feminine. Thus, it’s not appropriate. There is a terrible bias at play in this societal norm. In addition, a potentially dangerous health scenario is being created. When women cannot express their anger in a healthy manner, it may lay the groundwork for a wide range of mental and physical maladies.
Why Many Women Have Trouble Expressing Anger
There are countless subtle forms of misogyny working to silence the rage of women. Meanwhile, men are often encouraged to express anger. In the process, this trend may serve to further stymie a woman’s options for doing the same. Male anger is often louder, more aggressive, and more violent. This, of course, can intimidate women into inaction when they feel angry.
Certain behaviors in men are viewed as positive, as signs of power. It is patriotic and masculine and even sexy. In women, the same behaviors get labeled “difficult” or “hysterical” or (heaven forbid) “ugly.” It is a cruel irony that women in our culture have so much to be angry about and so little freedom to express it. When combined with racial stereotypes (e.g. “angry black woman”), the stifling effect grows more frustrating.
What is a Healthy Expression of Anger?
A step for women toward reclaiming their anger is to cultivate ways to express it in a healthy manner. This not only benefits them, but it also helps those they are addressing. Some characteristics of healthy expression include:
- Resisting the urge to react.
- Seeing anger as an opportunity to look inward and better identify one’s needs and values.
- Developing forgiveness and compassion.
- Using anger to explore our triggers, feelings, bodily sensations, etc.
- Viewing it within the context of our experiences.
- Improving communication and listening skills.
- Building courage and resilience
How to Express Your Anger in a Healthy Manner
Speak Directly and Listen Closely
When emotions rise, we all run the risk of misunderstanding. Do your part by clearly stating your concern. Resist being passive-aggressive. When the other person says their part, remain curious and compassionate. Listen closely so you can understand their point before responding.
Don’t Let the Issue Simmer
Anger has quite a way of simmering. The longer you put off addressing a problem, the better chance you’ll have a blow-out. You can’t control how others will respond but you can control your role in the matter. Assess the situation and, if you sense things have the potential to escalate, nip it in the bud.
Step Away If You Wish
Timing is crucial. Even urgent situations can benefit from a little space and time. Decrease the odds of crisis by learning to read the room. Maximize your chances of resolution by factoring in more than just your emotions.
Non-Verbal Communication
You can speak volumes via body language, vocal inflections, facial gestures, and more. Be mindful of the messages you’re sending.
Deeply Engrained Problems Often Require Outside Help
Dealing with the fallout of patriarchy is a tall order. No single person can be expected to process all the factors at work. This is why so many women have embraced counseling to help facilitate new perspectives and new behaviors. Weekly therapy sessions can serve many purposes. For example, you’ll have a safe space in which you can get used to not suppressing your anger.
Navigating social dynamics is an ongoing journey. It really helps to have a skilled and compassionate guide. Please reach out for support. I’m here to help, contact me soon for a consultation.
