It’s one of the most frustrating aspects of being a human. We can often be our own worst critic. Inside each and every one of us, there’s an internal monologue. It talks to us, guides us, warns us, and yes, it critiques us. This inner critic is a part of you but it is not you. The key to not letting a negative internal monologue dominate you is to understand who and what this inner critic is. From there, you will find it much easier to work with it and around it.
A Few Insights Into Your Inner Critic
It’s Behind the Times
When a real or perceived threat emerges, you develop mechanisms to help you cope. Over time, you move on but your inner critic may cling to those outdated modes of defense. It thinks the old coping mechanisms are still useful. It’s up to you to explain that they’ve passed their expiration date.
Your Inner Critic Means Well
Your inner critic remembers it all — from the minor slights to the micro-aggressions to the traumatic events. It doesn’t want you to endure similar experiences and will take drastic measures to fulfill this mission. For example, you may want to try a new job to ask out someone you like. The inner critic thinks such an act could be dangerous. In the name of “saving” you, it may tell you false stories about failure and rejection.
It’s Not as Simple as Ignoring Your Internal Monologue
Until the program is updated, your inner critic is not going to be denied. When the goal is literal survival, this voice will not be silenced. So, listen carefully. Hear this voice as you’d hear that of a friend in need. Respect its intentions as you set about updating that protection plan.
3 Ways to Work With Your Inner Critic
Think about that friend in need. Imagine you watching them as they hold themselves back. Most likely, you’d be curious to know more. You’d also act from a place of compassion. With that approach in mind, here are three pathways toward aligning better with your internal monologue:
1. Remember: This inner critic is a part of you but it’s not you!
You are not beholden to the wishes of this voice. It is one of many thoughts, beliefs, and ideas you are juggling at any given moment. Separate yourself from any single source of input and give yourself space to contemplate. Mindful meditation can be very helpful with this task.
2. Update the protection plan
Situations change. Circumstances evolve. Your inner critic might be urging you not to let go of old coping and motivational devices. Yet, you know that it’s necessary to get with the new program. Will an update automatically go smoothly? Probably not, but it’s worth the risk. Get your inner critic on board with this plan by allowing it to guide you without obsolete data.
3. Write a new script for your internal monologue
In a desperate attempt to defend you from enemies that no longer threaten you, your inner critic resorts to negativity. Imagine handing that voice a new script. That voice wants to be respected, heard, and heeded. So give it some positive, support lines to repeat in times of stress. It may help to hark back to someone who has guided you with compassion. What did they say and how did they say it?
Call in an “Editor”
Years of listening to your inner critic may have you at the point where you need help. Working with a therapist is an excellent way to better understand and work with that internal monologue. To learn more, reach out today for a free consultation!
